Friday, February 11, 2011

Normal is just a setting on the dryer

Normal...what's that?  I keep thinking that soon, soon, life will return to normal.  And I keep reminding myself that there is really no such thing.  Life doesn't come with rules or guarantees.  Life is constantly changing and waiting for normal just drives us crazy.  So I am trying to accept that normal doesn't exist and roll with the circumstances that I have been given on a day to day basis so as not to get resentful of the trials that (lets face it) have been coming fast and furious lately.  Grace and faith are my foundation right now, and the reason I am able to face each day (that and the fact that my husband finally has some time off work).  When I look at what we have actually faced in the last few weeks it is obvious that my own strength is not enough.  Failure to thrive.  Pumping. Bottle feeding.  Sick Cadence.  Sick Clarisse.  Sick husband.  Sick Reagan.  Hospital.  Sick Cadence again.  More weight loss. Cadence with an ear infection and burst eardrum.  Pumping not working well.   Oh yeah and Reagan is technically in Mild Congestive Heart Failure so I'm on pins and needles wondering what is going to happen with that.
I keep wondering when I'm going to catch a break.  It seems like just when I start to get into a routine of  pumping, feeding, medicating something changes and interrupts it, and it is so easy to start feeling resentful of the circumstances.  So I'm owning the promise that God is with us through ALL of this and that I am growing stronger through it.
 I can feel his purpose even when I can't see exactly what it is or where we're going.  And then I read about the amazing things he is doing in the lives of others I care about like Susanna's family getting ready to adopt.  And how a little boy named Peter has gone from hopeless to a family in a week and is very close to a full grant (its not to late to help and maybe win too) to come home!  If God can (does) work these miracles then I think I can't trust him with my trials too.  Though I sure wouldn't complain about a few days without drama :)


Anonymous said...

YOu my dear, wonderful daughter are in the prverbial "Between a rock and a grace place"! NOthing wrong with wishing that things would be predictable for at least one minute! YOur new normal is quite the challenge and I am very proud of your faithfulness and love through it all! When you get to come up for air, you will be surprised at the wonder of all of it and what it has brought into your life and the whole family's life (including ours!). YOu just ask me for anything any time! And more than that, allow yourself to call upon your friends who go throught it too. Again, you and Jesus are an amazing combo!

Ilisa Ailts said...

I am feeling a lot the same, but different reasons. I cannot imagine a life that stayed the same for just even 6 months! It gets tough though.