Holding Pattern

Have you ever wondered where the phrase "we're in a holding pattern" comes from?  I know.  Back to my flying days.  A holding pattern is an oval pattern flown around a fixed point while you are waiting for further clearance, usually for landing.  With Reagan's heart that is where we are right now.  Holding.  Waiting to be told what we already know is going to happen.  Reagan is going to have surgery to close the hole in her heart.  Since recovering from her bout with RSV  she has finally managed to gain 3 ounces, but her cardiologist isn't very impressed.  Nor is her mommy when I consider the work that goes into that little gain.  Reagan is five months old today and still does not quite weigh 9 pounds.  We are now feeding her 20-22 ounces of fortified 24 calorie per ounce milk per day.  She fools everybody because she looks good.  But it is taking a LOT of calories and energy for her to pull it off.  Her heart has not changed in five months and we are coming to the conclusion that it is not likely to do so anytime soon, if ever.  Surgery now would ease the workload on her body and allow her to grow and develop more normally.  With the relatively small risks of surgery we feel it's the best way to go.  However at her appointment yesterday Dr. Kuhn changed his first statement of it being time to close the hole to giving her two more weeks to show a decent gain (after he realized she'd lost weight in the hospital).  He says we have some time because her pressures are still good.  Note the word still.  They will not stay good forever and it's better not to wait until her lungs are damaged.  So here we are. Holding.  Planning for surgery, but not completely sure it will happen.