Worthy? (31 for 21 post 4)

Today I have one question. 

What makes this little girl less worthy of life...

Then these two little girls?  Because by far too many people she is not considered worthy.  She is "a burden". Or "suffering".  Here in America we have tests to make sure our babies are not genetically "undesirable".  I'm going to be brutally honest here and say that it rips my heart out any time I hear about a baby killed because it wasn't perfect...that could be the little girl in the picture...it could be my little girl.
And it breaks my heart that there are sweet babies like my Reagan sitting in orphanages and institutions in Eastern Europe because they are not considered "worthy".  But they are wanted!  They have mommies and daddies and siblings and a little friend by the name of Reagan just waiting for them to come home.  I feel helpless in the face of the abortion rate here in America.  All I can do is try and educate those around me.  But there is something I can do to bring Autumn home.  And Sophia.  Helping bring these babies home is love in action.  I will help them know that like my Reagan, they are worthy of life and love.  Will you help me?  Pray for them.  Share ideas?  Donate?
P.S.  Baby A is Reagan and Baby B is Clarisse....even their Papa couldn't tell them apart :)

Which One? (21 for 31 post 3)

 Last October I was just learning about the world of Down syndrome and advocacy.  One of the things that really caught my attention was the idea that people with Down syndrome are "more alike than different".  This is an idea I intend to play with throughout this month.  One of the common fears, particularly for mamas who have a pre-natal diagnosis (not us),  is that their baby will not look like the family.  Misinformation can be cruel and the idea that people with Down syndrome all look the same and not like their families can hurt.  But it is not true!  Case in point:  I give you exhibits A and B.  One of these pictures is a newborn picture of Clarisse and the other of Reagan.  Can you tell me which one is which?

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

I promise they really are two different babies :)  Tell me your opinion and I'll reveal the correct answer tomorrow.

Beautiful Birth (31 for 21 post 2)

I had been having contractions on and off for a week.  After the very fast labor with Cadence I was nervous about know when it was real.  Lori told me that when it was real I would "just know".  I went to bed on the night of September 16th completely at peace about Reagan being born when she was ready.  I woke up at 5:30 and didn't really know why.  Then the first contraction came.  And I knew.  It was strong or painful...it was just...different.  So I lay there for a while thinking I'd go back to sleep if I could, but the contractions were nice and regular every 10 minutes, again not painful, but it was morning and I was excited about my baby so I got up.  I called my Dad and told him not to go to work, but that there was no hurry in getting my Mom out of bed and out here.  I restrained myself from calling Lori until after 7 since I didn't want to wake her up too soon :)  I told her she was right and that I knew it would be sometime that day.  Then Clarisse woke up and I spent some time cuddling with her and telling her that her baby sister would be born that day.  Then we woke up Daddy and told him not to go to work that day.  At around 8:30 my parents arrived and I cooked everybody eggs for breakfast. I had a chiropractic appointment scheduled for 10:30 which I wanted to keep since being in alignment can be really helpful in labor.  Through all of this my contractions were a consistent 7-10 minutes apart.  After the appointment my mom and I went to Target for some last minute shopping.  I don't remember why we went but I do remember getting this set of candles that I will always love for having acquired the day Reagan was born.

 After we got home I tried to eat some lunch, but suddenly my contractions were coming closer and I was feeling a little uneasy.  I didn't want to arrive at the birth center at the last minute again so I called Lori and told her I wanted to come.  She had prenatal appointments with other clients, but I didn't mind, I just wanted to get there and settle in and relax (it is an amazingly beautiful, relaxing place).  We got to the birth center at around 1:00 pm and settled into my beautiful birthing room.

 Lori took my vitals and went off to finish her pre-natals while my family and I settled in to play a game on the living room floor.  My family teased me about the time limit on my turn as I paused to breath through contractions every 5 minutes or so.

 Lori called me back to check my stats again right as I won the game (they all promise they didn't rig it while I was out of the room)  and I decided it was time to get in the warm tub for a while.

 Sweet bliss.
 I contracted comfortably in the tub for a little while until the other mamas were all gone for the day then I decided to get out and walk around the house for a while.

 Someone brought food for my family and I nibbled on some snacks I had brought and drank water as I roamed around.

 At a little after four I could tell things were really starting to move.  Contractions about 3 minutes apart that I could no longer walk through.  I kept moving and relaxing through each contraction for as long as I could and then I had to sit down so I sat on the ball while they re-warmed the tub for me.  I was feeling the slightly claustrophobic panicky feeling that always comes right before a baby is born.  Not so much painful as incredibly overwhelming and inescapable.

I climbed back in the tub sometime around 4:30 and again...sweet bliss.  (notice I haven't mentioned my water breaking...it never did)  I felt her moving down and tried hard to work with it and not against it.  At a few minutes before 5:00 we called the family in...the girls climbed up on the bed to watch their sister being born.

A few minutes of slow, gentle pushing and Reagan Candice was born (5:08) in the most beautiful setting and most relaxed birth I have ever known.  She emerged still in her amniotic sac which was cleared away as I pulled her up.

 I pulled her sweet, squishy body up onto my chest and looked at her perfect newborn face and as I kissed her head of dark hair...I knew.  My baby girl had Down syndrome.  Here's the thing though....in that beautiful candle-lit room, surrounded by love and high from a perfect birth, it didn't really matter.

Reagan's Down syndrome...birth preface (31 for 21 post 1)

Today is the first day of Down syndrome awareness month so it seems appropriate to kick it off with the story of how I started to become aware of Down syndrome.  With the birth of sweet Reagan.  It was the morning sickness that gave it away.  My beloved midwife warned us all that she was going to be gone in September and October of last year and to...err...plan accordingly.  With the busy-ness of the holidays and having just weaned Cadence I miss the fact that I was pregnant for several weeks until the morning sickness kicked in (not something I'd struggled with in my other pregnancies).  

A quick calculation told me that I was due when Lori was going to be gone.  After I started breathing again I decided to remember the lessons I learned through Cadence's birth, that God had a plan for me even if I didn't like it at the first look.  And if that meant no Lori then I would be open to what there was for me to learn from this experience.  An early ultrasound for dating and an adjustment of travel plans showed that Reagan was due Sept 20th, 5 days before Lori's departure for France.  Relief!  Joy! Gratitude!  Now to make sure she wasn't late.  Now on the the fun 20 week ultrasound where we got to find out we were having another little girl.  

Normal ultrasound with one tiny exception.  The report came back that she had an echogenic focus on her heart.  What does that mean?  Honestly nothing.  It could  mean a slight increase in the chance for Down syndrome.  It is a soft marker and the only one she had.  It is also present in 30% of Asian babies and Reagan is half Filipino.  I filed the report and though nothing more of it.  Until the week before she was born.  And then I started pondering what it would mean to be the mother of a special needs child.  I didn't obsess over it, but it was there on my heart and mind.  That was truly my introduction to the awareness of Down syndrome.

Tomorrow: Reagan's arrival :)

Reagan's Birth... Prequel: All thing work together for Good

So as I was trying to write out Reagan's birth story I kept going back, and then farther back because her story really starts with her oldest sister's birth and the lessons in faith and God's perfect plan that followed all the way through to today.

Clarisse Renee was born July 18th 2007 one week passed her "due date".  I had planned a natural hospital birth.  I had educated myself and selected a doctor that I thought was on the same page as me.  He told me that my plans were fine.  Turns out he'll tell you anything you want to hear and then try and do what he wants anyway.  We headed for the hospital at midnight when I was contracting 3-5 minutes apart thinking that we were well on our way to meeting our baby.  17 long and painful (almost natural) and somewhat unnecessary hours later she finally made her appearance.

 She was perfectly healthy, but her Mama was very traumatized and unsure about the idea of going through that again.  I was terrified of having another baby!  So when Clarisse was 7 months old and I found out that I was expecting again...well lets just say I shed a few tears.

Not because I didn't want another child, I had always planned on more than one, but rather at the thought of going through another birth.  I just knew I couldn't do it, but you can't exactly take back a baby and get a refund :)  So I prayed and did some research and found the most wonderful, gifted woman in the childbirth world who had opened a beautiful free-standing birth center 10 minutes (thank goodness it is close) from my home.  She listened to my fears about a repeat of my first birth.  She educated me.  She guided me to wonderful stories to encourage me.  My pregnancy under her care is the best I have felt in my life!  Our 20 week ultrasound showed us that Cadence Emerita was *expected*  November 22 2008.  November 14th I had an appointment scheduled for a chiropractic adjustment (car accident in week 19)  and then a pre-natal.  By the time I got to the pre-natal visit I was contracting regularly but only every 20 minutes.  I  said I'd see her sometime in the next few days....she said she'd see me sometime that evening.  Turns out she was right.  She called me every few hours to check on me and insisted I come in when I was contracting 7 minutes apart even though I was afraid it was going to be another 17 hour marathon.  Turns out she was right...I barely made it there and Cadence was born 15 minutes after we arrived.

  My second words after she was born (the first being how beautiful she was) were "I can totally do this again, I didn't know having a baby could be like this".  What a difference having someone who really listens and supports you can make.  Now what in the world does all this have to do with God's plan for Reagan?  Well for starters he worked the horror (for me) of Clarisse's birth into the amazing good of finding Lori who has become more than just a midwife but a mentor and a very dear friend.  And I would have continued to have standard hospital births.  And for the rest of the story....well you'll just have to stay tuned for the next installment :)
**NOTE**
My intention really was to put this post up a week ago, but two things held me back.  First I suddenly had a high amount of traffic coming in from a link here and much of it departing to the Quinn's blog where the fundraiser for Autumn is still in full force (check it out if you haven't yet)  and I didn't want to interrupt that perfect timing.  Second and more practical....I couldn't find the pictures I was intending to insert here. (I really did have it all written a week ago!)  Tomorrow is October 1st and the beginning of Down syndrome awareness month.  My intention is to blog every day in the month of October about many things great and small.  And considering the trouble I had finding old pictures for this post you may be subjected to old photos as I go through and edit (hee hee).  So my official kick-off for October really will be the rest of Reagan's birth story tomorrow (I already have the pictures this time).

Happy Birthday, Love Reagan

One year ago this day sweet little Reagan made her way into this world and surprised us all with her extra chromosome.

12 months and a fixed heart later she has grown a little and learned a lot.  She has opened our eyes to a whole new world and given us the opportunity to grow.

I was planning on writing a post about Reagan's birth story, but discovered that it will take more than one.  As we are having Reagan's birthday party next Sunday, I will spend this week sharing her story in bits.  To start off though in true Hobbit fashion I would like to Give on her birthday.  I would like to give thanks to every single person who has stood shoulder to shoulder with us through every step of this crazy, amazing, emotional first year.  Every person who has prayed.  Who has provided food.  Who has helped with medical bills.  Who has visited in the hospital. Who has given advice.  Babysat.  Called.  Texted.  You have been there when we needed you and believe me I remember EVERY SINGLE one of you!  And we are also so grateful for the new friends we have made.  Amazing new friends!  All across the country thanks to the world wide web.  And some friends right here close to home.

Which leads me to the other thing Reagan would like to give you.  A chance to help make her birthday wish come true and maybe get something fabulous in the process.  Can I ask you to go check out the Quinn's adoption blog?  The are working on bringing home a friend for Reagan :)  and there is a giveaway for and iPad happening right now.  And if you could share it would be great because Patti is holding Lily hostage and I really want to see her cute little face again.

Thank you all so much for being a part of our journey and stay tuned for the beginning of Reagan's story.  And lots of pictures to get caught up on :)

My New Neighbors and Cupcakes

When I first started to write this post I was super excited to share that I am going to have a new neighbor.  A young lady by the name of Megan who lives only a few miles from me is adopting a sweet little girl named Sophia from Reece's Rainbow.  Now it has probably become evident over the months since I've been writing here (or in my constant talking about it if you know me)  that I have become passionate about the kiddos on Reece's Rainbow.  I have been burning to do something to help these sweet babies, but unable to think what I am actually capable of doing.  I don't have a big enough following to advocate the same way Patti does.  I don't have much money to donate significantly (though I have done what I can once the bills are paid).  I am not able to adopt myself at this time like Susanna.  So I thought and thought...what talents have I been gifted with that I could use.  And it hit me.  I can bake.

I've been building up a cupcake bakery for a couple of years and just launched the website.  How perfect.  So here it is.  My ongoing commitment to these little ones.  I was so excited to be able to help bring a baby home to my hometown.  And then this week I found out that she is not the only one around here bringing home an angel.  The Quinn family who lives in Yuciapa (where I go to church...can't wait to meet you guys)  and the Center family in Moreno Valley are working hard to bring home their children.  Check out their blogs.  Share with your friends and help me raise some money for Sophia and then for Autumn and Wallace.  I can't wait to throw a cupcake party for everyone when they get home!